


blurred lines

by waveydnp



Series: fics for people [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 19:55:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17669030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: it’s hard to find hookups when you’re on a world tour





	blurred lines

**Author's Note:**

> written for yiffandquiff on tumblr <3

It’s been a long day. And a long week. And a long month and a long year, honestly, even though there’s more of it to go than has gone already.

Tour feels a little harder this time around. Even just a few years of age have proved to make this whole _travelling the world and sleeping in a different city every night_ kind of thing much more of a challenge.

Dan’s tired. He’s too tired to keep his eyes from wandering over to where Phil is sat on his bed in their hotel room, leaned back against the headboard with his glasses slipping halfway down his nose and his brow furrowed in concentration as he stares at the screen of his laptop.

He looks good. He looks comfy, like he so often does at home. It makes Dan feel some kind of warmth in his chest, some kind of longing to be back there in their flat in London where everything is just as they want it.

Truth be told, Phil always looks good, but usually that fact is just a little white noise hum in the background, easy to ignore. But Dan’s tired and horny and it’s a little harder to ignore the wide set of his best mate’s shoulders and the slope of his back when it’s been so long since Dan’s had this particular itch scratched by someone other than himself. 

“Would I be mad to download Grindr?” Dan asks. He doesn’t want to look at Phil like that. They’d agreed long ago it was for the best.

Phil looks up from the laptop balanced on his thighs. “Don’t you have it downloaded already?”

“I deleted it after the UK leg so I wouldn’t be tempted.”

“You’ve used it since we left home?” Phil asks. He sounds genuinely horrified. 

That piques Dan’s interest. “Have you not?”

“No, Dan. I haven’t really had the energy for that. I was travel sick half that time and the other half I was exhausted from performing.”

Dan snickers. “Old man, you are.”

“I don’t get weird spurts of energy after shows like you do, ok? I’m normal.”

“Aren’t you like… horny, though?”

Phil shrugs. “Yeah, course. But you know there’s this thing called wanking that exists, yeah?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Shut up. It’s not the same.”

“It’s not, but it’s better than getting murdered by some hillbilly American who wants to cut your skin off and wear it like a coat.”

“You know there are freaks in England too,” Dan reminds him. “You hook up plenty when we’re home.”

“Well… I don’t really have a choice back home, do I? Unless I just never want to get laid again.”

Dan laughs. “I thought you were happy with just wanking.”

Phil shuts his laptop then and slides it under the rather dingy bed. This hotel room definitely isn’t one of the i nicer ones they’ve stayed in. “When did this become a ‘take the piss out of Phil’ conversation?” he asks sulkily. “I thought we were talking about you being a slut.”

“Oi,” Dan protests, shutting his laptop too. It’s late and they’ve got a long day of travel tomorrow. “You can’t say stuff like that anymore Phil, it’s 2018.”

“I can say it when you’re the only one who hears it.”

“If I’m a slut then you are too, mate. Hate to break it to you.”

Phil crosses his arms. “Well… you’re worse.”

“Or better, depending on how you look at it.” Dan grins. 

“Please don’t use Grindr in America, Dan,” Phil says quietly. His tone has shifted into something a lot more sincere, and it wipes the smile right off Dan’s face immediately.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to worry about you.”

“Do you worry about me when we’re back home?” Dan asks.

“Sometimes. Blokes can be scary. And mean.”

“So can birds,” Dan says, ever the feminist, even when he’s technically speaking ill.

“Yeah but you don’t have Tindr downloaded, do you? It’s Grindr. And you and I both know guys are worse. It’s just us here, you don’t have to be so painstakingly PC all the time.”

Dan frowns. He wants to argue just on principle, but he knows what Phil’s saying and he really can’t pretend Phil doesn’t have a point. “I just… you know. You know why guys are safer,” he mutters.

“Because they’re less likely to get attached,” Phil says bluntly. “And less likely to know who you are.”

“Yeah.” It feels strangely awful to have it laid out like that so simply. It feels ugly and exposing. For every opportunity that’s been afforded to him by his success on the internet, another has been taken away, and dating is a big one. 

“Yeah,” Phil echoes. “I know. But guys are also more likely to axe murder you so just… don’t. Please. I’m literally asking you not to.”

Dan looks across the small space between their beds. Phil is already looking at him, and the intensity of the eye contact makes Dan’s stomach feel weird. “Ok,” he croaks. “I guess I’ll just make do with wanking, then.”

“Good. Anyway, we should probably sleep now.”

Dan reaches over to turn off his lamp and shimmy further into the covers until he’s lying down, and Phil does the same. The room is plunged into quiet and darkness and Dan ends up doing that thing he was trying to avoid: thinking.

There is something he really and truly hates about the dark. Actually there are many things, but one of them is the way it erases any and all distractions and leaves him with no choice but to think the thoughts he’s managed to push away throughout the day.

Right now it gives him no choice but to think about all the little reasons he and Phil have ended up with the relationship they have. They would never have met if it weren’t for the intensity of Dan’s crush back when he was eighteen, his brashness, his bravado. 

They liked each other back then, it’s no secret. But things got in the way, fears made themselves known, priorities shifted. Dan was young and inexperienced. He was depressed. There was distance and increasing scrutiny and eventually, a comfort with life as friends, a reluctance to put that or their careers at risk. 

Dan hasn’t spent time regretting it. Phil is far and away the best mate he’s ever had. He’s more than that really; he fills the hole Dan had in his heart for love and companionship at the time they met. It’s not the kind of love their fans suspect, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

Phil’s voice cuts through the silence in the room. “Are you asleep?”

“No.” He listens with bated breath as Phil’s bed creaks and the sound of his feet are soft on the carpet between their beds.

Then Dan’s bed creaks and his blanket is being lifted up and Dan’s stomach is twirling like a freaking hyperactive ballerina or some shit. Phil’s legs straddle his thighs without explanation.

“You know,” Phil says matter-of-factly, “We’re in the perfect position to help each other out right now. We don’t have to make do with just wanking.”

“What?” Dan croaks. He’s already half hard from the way Phil is just _there_ , sitting right on top of him.

“We trust each other. We’re always together. It’s safe. It makes sense.”

“But—”

“You’re horny, yeah?” Phil asks.

“Yeah.”

“And I am too. And you’re fit, so—”

“You think i’m fit?” Dan interrupts. It’s a stupid thing to say but a nice thing to hear. He wants to hear Phil say it again.

“Yes, stupid. Obviously.”

“I think you’re fit too,” Dan says, and he risks putting a hand on Phil’s thigh. It feels wrong.

But also like… very right.

“I know,” Phil murmurs. “That’s why I’m gonna blow you now, ok?”

“Ok,” he croaks, stomach flipping as Phil moves down Dan’s legs and pulls his cock out. He squeezes his long fingers firmly around Dan’s hardening flesh and laughs softly. 

“You do think I’m fit, don’t you?”

Dan ignores him, because a split second later there is warmth and wetness and suction all around him and all thought of how strange this is flies out the window. All there is is Phil and his mouth and Dan’s pleasure at the way Phil works it.

“Holy shit,” Dan breathes. “Holy shit.” This is so much better than anything Grindr could have provided him. He didn’t even have to get dressed. Phil really is a genius.

Dan reaches out to the side to turn his lamp back on, then down to throw the blanket off Phil’s head so he can watch. He wants to be able to save this image for the times he _does_ need to make do with a solo wank.

And what an image it is. Phil’s going at it like it means a lot more to him than a favour for a mate. He looks like he’s enjoying it, like he wants it.

Dan doesn’t know what to do with how much he likes that. He reaches down to cup Phil’s jaw and feel the way he moves. “You’re good at this,” Dan says, voice low.

Phil pulls off and looks up at him. “I bet you’re even better.”

Some kind of switch in Dan’s brain gets flipped rather violently. He grabs Phil and pulls him up, then flips him onto his back and yanks his pj bottoms down impatiently. The cock that bobs free is thick and lovely and Dan takes a moment just to look before sinking his mouth down on it.

He gets lost in it after that, in the taste and the shape of Phil, in the noises Phil makes and the way he sinks his fingers into Dan’s hair.

“I was right,” Phil says at one point, head tipping back into the pillow. “You’re way too good at this. I always thought you would be.”

Dan pulls up and lets his fist do some work while his mouth takes a little break. “You think about me like that?”

Phil props himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Dan, teeth catching at the corner of his bottom lip. His cheeks are pink and his hair’s a mess and Dan feels a surge of pride at being able to make Phil look like that. 

“Am I meant to pretend I don’t?” Phil asks. “Do you not?”

Dan twists his wrist on the upstroke just to watch Phil bite down a little harder. “I try not to.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Phil says. “Just sex.”

Dan nods. Just sex.

At some point Phil pulls Dan back up and they use their hands to bring each other off. Dan comes hard and Phil comes a lot, making a mess of Dan and his sheets.

Dan doesn’t give a flying fuck, just wipes it down half-assedly with some toilet roll before curling up and turning off his lamp. He barely has the energy left to say goodnight to Phil before he passes out, warm and happy and sated down to his bones.

-

He wakes up to the godawful sound of his phone alarm blaring under his pillow. He grunts and groans as he fishes it out and turns it off.

He looks over at the bed next to him and honestly just marvels at the fact that Phil had managed to stay asleep through it. The amazement at Phil’s sleeping habits quickly turns to a recollection of last night, of Phil’s mouth and hands and cock and before Dan knows it he’s hard and touching himself and biting his lip to stay quiet as he enjoys replaying it over and over in his mind.

He enjoys it too much apparently, startled into gasping when Phil asks, “Are you wanking?”

“Fuck,” Dan mutters, pulling his hand out of his pants, but if anything he’s even more startled by what Phil says next. 

“Can I watch?”

He’s too turned on to pretend to be scandalized. Phil’s voice is all gravelly and sexy and he’s looking at Dan with hungry eyes, so Dan pulls his blanket to the side and reaches back into his trousers to pull himself out. He’s looking at Phil when he starts stroking again, looking at Phil while Phil looks at his cock.

Dan sees when Phil starts moving under his own duvet and it makes him weak to know that watching Dan is enough to make Phil want to touch himself. He wants to ask to watch too, but there’s something almost hotter about only being privvy to the suggestion of it, of having to use his imagination a little bit. 

“What are you thinking about?” Phil asks.

Dan’s too close. He’s too close to the edge to filter his hormone addled brain from spewing the raw truth. “You.”

Phil moans and it’s too much. Phil is too much for Dan to resist.

-

They fall quickly into this new normal. Friends on stage. Friends on the bus, at the meet and greets, at the trips to pubs and restaurants with the crew, on hikes in the mountains with Martyn. They’re friends as they always have been - until they’re alone. 

Then they’re friends who fuck. Friends who can’t get enough of each other’s naked bodies. Friends who sink to their knees and bite pillows to keep quiet and stain a lot of unsuspecting bedding. 

They’re not always lucky enough to enjoy each other in the comfort and privacy of hotel rooms. Sometimes it’s sneaky handjobs under a blanket at the back of the bus. Sometimes it’s quick blowjobs in the dressing room during the show’s intermission. Once it was even Dan sneaking up into Phil’s bunk to come with two of Phil’s fingers pressed inside and massaging in just the right place. 

The best is when they _do_ get proper beds and a door that locks and a shower and the ability to call down for room service whenever they want. 

A hotel room is where they kiss for the first time, both naked, Phil lying on top of Dan and going for it like it’s something they’d been doing their whole lives. Their mouths fit together just right.

Dan fits inside Phil just right that night too, when Phil climbs on top and sinks himself down. Phil rides Dan like he’s got something to prove, and all Dan can do is hold onto Phil’s hips for dear life and try not to let it be over too quickly. 

It’s the first night they fall asleep in the same bed. The next morning is the first morning they wake up tangled together, but there are many mornings like that afterward. There are many more kisses and many more midnight cuddles and many more moments where Dan starts to wonder if the lines look as blurred to Phil as they do to him.

It’s the time of Dan’s life, without a doubt. He sleeps like a baby. He has the best sex of his life. He performs a show he’s proud of and meets the people who helped get him to where he is now and he gets to see the world while he does it.

He’s tired in a way he knows he won’t really feel until it’s all over. The days are long and he never has a moment that’s just for him, but he never wants it to end. He wants tour to last forever. He thinks… he’s starting to think he might like to keep these blurred lines forever.

And that’s it right there, isn’t it? The reason he’d always told himself he wasn’t allowed to think about Phil in that way, let alone imagine what life might be like if they hadn’t let so many little things get in the way of the feelings they had in the beginning. Because he knew once he felt them again they’d be impossible to let go of.

He can’t bring himself to regret it, not when he wakes to a sun soaked view of Phil’s lovely freckled back in Australia, not when Phil fucks him slow and sweet on a lounge chair beside a pool with cold water while Martyn and Cornelia are out at the shops. 

He doesn’t regret it. He just doesn’t want to let it go. He doesn’t want to go back to mediocre sex with strangers who don’t know how he likes his coffee in the morning. 

He doesn’t know what Phil wants. He’s too afraid to ask.

Even on the plane home from India, even when Phil falls asleep on Dan’s shoulder, even when they’ve been holding hands under the hoodie Phil had pulled off and laid over them… Dan doesn’t know. He doesn’t know which parts he’s allowed to keep once they have no reasonable excuse to keep this thing going.

Phil had said it that first night: it’s just sex. It’s not a big deal.

But kissing isn’t sex. Holding hands isn’t sex. Dan knows what he feels in his chest is so much more than just sex. He wants the sex, and everything else as well. 

They dump their bags on the ground, the exhaustion hitting them the second they walk through the door of their flat. It smells dusty and the plant by the window is brown and shriveled. 

“We’re home,” Phil says. “I missed home.”

Dan doesn’t answer. He misses the bus.

“I’m tired,” Dan says, picking up the handle of his suitcase. “I’m gonna go have a nap.” He doesn’t turn around to see what Phil’s reaction is.

He pulls off his jeans and his socks and crawls into musty smelling sheets determined not to cry. He’s just tired, and he’ll talk to Phil later. He’s an adult. He can handle himself. He can handle whatever Phil wants. 

Just… not right now. Right now he needs to sleep.

His limbs are heavy and sinking down into his mattress when he hears his bedroom door open. He’s not asleep but he’s not far off, and he’s really not ready for Phil to come in here and remind him that things can go back to normal now.

He feels the bed dip behind him and then an arm around his waist, lips on his ear. His heart jolts, but he stays still.

“Are you asleep?” Phil whispers.

“No,” Dan whispers back.

“Would I be mad to ask you not to redownload Grindr?”

Dan rolls forward a little, grinning and maybe shedding a happy tear or two into his pillow. “No,” he says sniffling. “Would I be mad to ask you to delete yours?”

Phil presses a kiss to Dan’s neck. “I deleted it after the first night.”

Dan rolls over and throws his arms around the back of Phil’s neck, kissing him wet and awkward and laughing against his mouth. 

It’s not just sex after all, then. The lines aren’t blurred. Phil is right here and Dan is allowed to keep the sex, and everything else as well. 

The lines aren’t blurred. As of right now, they don’t even exist.


End file.
